When year-old Manisha Agarwal name changed logged on to a dating app for the first time, she was paralysed with fear. Married for 15 years, she needed a distraction from her sexless and loveless marriage , but was scared she would be caught in the act. Here someone always knows you or one of your acquaintances. Unhappy with her unfulfilling married life, Agarwal desperately wanted to find someone she could connect with. She knew she could not risk having an affair with a friend, so she decided to look for potential partners on a dating app. For the latest news and more, follow HuffPost India on Twitter , Facebook , and subscribe to our newsletter. She was looking for casual sex, and knew nobody would swipe right for her if she only mentioned her name and age. Agarwal is just one of the many married women in India who use dating apps to find companionship. Although affairs and meetings with men bring excitement to their lives, they also live in fear of the embarrassment and shame of being found out. Other popular dating apps in the country include Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.
5 Reasons Why Married Indian Women Are Turning To Dating Apps
Y usuf Khan has a four-sentence formula for finding love. Khan is 24 — high time, according to his parents, he started looking for a wife. If he cannot fit women into his busy work schedule, they say, they can always start asking around friends and family for a suitable match. Khan does not tell his parents, but he goes on at least one new Tinder date every month.
Despite pressure from the family, he is in no rush to marry.
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What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking.
Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking. The upside is also that this aids the adjustment process with the new partner and family, a stand-in for what is seen as the variable element of love.
We Need to Talk About ‘Indian Matchmaking’
For Hindus, marriage is a sacrosanct union. It is also an important social institution. Marriages in India are between two families, rather two individuals, arranged marriages and dowry are customary. The society as well as the Indian legislation attempt to protect marriage. Indian society is predominantly patriarchal. There are stringent gender roles, with women having a passive role and husband an active dominating role.
FEATURED BY FORBES, TECHCRUNCH & MORE** One relationship per hour & one marriage per day reported to Dil Mil. With over 20 million matches made.
Now available to stream, the series follows Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia as she painstakingly works with singles and their families in India and America to find desirable mates for marriage. One client, New Jersey-based event planner Nadia, wonders if her Indian-ness will come into question because of her Guyanese heritage. With the global reach of Netflix, Mundhra saw an opportunity to present a look at dating and relationships through the very specific lens of the South Asian experience that would reach a wide audience.
That we have all sorts of different backgrounds, different ideals and ideologies. I think you can sort of learn a lot just from the examples and the specific journey of the participants. Mundhra ultimately met her now-husband in graduate school.
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Read more:. The first few weeks were awkward and strange, and the 34 years have been bad and good. Like any marriage, they’ve had fights and still do. Date, though, how grew to love each other. Even though their marriage is no better or worse than the marriages of my American friends’ parents, to this day, my mother espouses the virtues of arranged marriage.
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Dil Mil, a dating app for the Indian diaspora, is redefining “arranged” marriages
Dating and marriage, a universal source of parent-child friction, can be especially shaky in the homes of Indian-Americans, as U. When parents have spent their critical teenage years in a different country, generational and cultural chasms can combine to create delicate situations and force life-changing choices. She and her husband were engaged one week after their very first meeting, in the U. Generational differences pose challenges that can lead to secrecy, unfamiliar conversations, compromises and sometimes tough decisions.
The most difficult: How, and for how long, will young adults play the field? How, and when, will parents get their daughters married off?
I am an indian woman and I don’t want to marry an Indian man. When you date outside your background, you learn about a different culture and experience.
What makes a show like ‘Indian Matchmaking’ possible? This book examines marriage in India
It might seem strange to invoke an Alice Walker essay in connection with the new Netflix reality series, Indian Matchmaking , but, here we go. The essay is revolutionary for that coinage. Walker explicitly draws a connection between skin color and marriage.
In the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking, the importance of skin color find it smarter to simply opt out of their own endemic marriage market and head height on dating apps with a kind of resigned dutifulness (or fudge it).
If anyone told me I would fall in love with someone I met online, I would have laughed until it hurt. After a string of bad relationships, my parents urged me to find a good desi boy to marry before I turned So I signed up for the dating site upon hearing successful stories of my friends finding their spouses online. But unlike my American friends, the hardships of Indian online dating went far beyond being stood up or ghosted. The day I met my match was the beginning of a long road of obstacles, both heavenly and earthly, and it was just the wakeup call I needed.
Within a few weeks of having my profile up, he found me. He was an immigrant like me who had come to the States for higher education. I was surprised to have found an optimist who embraced the twists of life. We both grew up in Andhra Pradesh, a land with immense natural beauty located on the southeastern coast of India. Our mother tongues and castes were identical.
We both assimilated to the American culture, which made it easier to connect. We would go from talking about the tribal disputes in our home state to the effects of the recession in America.
I Thought I’d Found My Husband On An Indian Dating Site, But Astrology Broke Us Up
Where to Watch the First Two Films. Is ‘Selling Sunset’ Fake? Chrissy Teigen Questions if Agents are Real. The show follows well-known Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia as she meets new clients and their families in both the US and India, and ultimately aims to match them with someone else in her rolodex based on a list of criteria from the client. One participant, Akshay, and his mother, Preeti, were the hardest to watch because of their insistence on finding a fair woman who would forgo her career after marriage.
While India is modernizing, part of the culture still lags behind and buys into these colonial expectations.
How Does a Modern Indian Arranged Marriage Work? Nowhere is this truer than in dating and marriage decisions where potential partners may have different.
Sushmita Pathak. Is it a match? A potential couple meet up courtesy of a matchmaker in the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. Netflix hide caption. A picky year-old from Mumbai whose unwillingness to marry raises his mom’s blood pressure. A headstrong year-old lawyer from Houston who says she doesn’t want to settle for just anybody.